Wrestling with Angels

It's so lovely to be back in Genesis and reading all of the old, well-loved tales of our ancestors! Last week was Jacob and the ladder and this week is Jacob wrestling with the angel.

I had my spirituality group discuss this week's parasha - what does it signify? Is Jacob wrestling with his shadow side? Esau? Esau's guardian angel? Is this even a dream? The group agreed with most commentators that this represents a turning point in Jacob's evolution. Until this point, coached by his mother, he has been very self-serving, securing for himself first Esau's birthright and later Isaac's blessing to his firstborn son. He is not my choice of a role model for morality in the Torah. And yet he becomes the father of the Twelve Tribes and therefore our common ancestor.

Now, Jacob is asked his name and there is no prevarication. He does not pretend to be Esau but acknowledges who he is. He is subsequently able to humble himself in front of the brother whose wrath he had feared for over 20 years. His name has been changed and becomes the name of us all. He carries a limp for the rest of his life as a tangible reminder of this transformation - a humbling experience and one that calls him back to earth forever.

It would be lovely if the story stopped here and became a true metaphor for redemption and a way for us to find cause to honor our forefather. However, when the twins reunite, Esau whole-heartedly embraces Jacob and invites Jacob and his family home with him for an extended visit. Jacob agrees to this but says he's going to have to lag behind because his pace is slowed by the small fry he has along with him. AND THEN he goes in an entirely different direction and never sees his brother again.

One thing this does for me is give me more faith in the accuracy of the underlying stories of our ancestors, embroidered though they have been through the years of oral tradition before they were finally written down. If you were writing a moral tale or a hero story, you wouldn't have that be the ending!

I think that one lesson we can take from this unexpected not-so-happy ending is that we are all fallible. We wrestle with God and the angels, trying to live on a lofty and noble plane. But we make mistakes, we give in to our bad impulses, we don't always behave in a way that would make even ourselves proud as we look back. Yet we can still be founders of a movement, remembered and honored, influencing generations to come - or, in real life, we can make a strong and positive difference in the small circle around us even though we are imperfect.

In this season of rededication, looking forward to the holiday of Chanukah, let us renew our commitment to our strongly-held values while simultaneously being gentle with ourselves when we stumble.